Hello my dears!!

I’m back already! It felt so good to finally get back in the blogging saddle yesterday that I couldn’t help but post again today! I’m sure you won’t mind!

Today we’re going to talk about the 4 issues from August and September of 1967. AKA, Avengers 43 & 44 and The X-Men 35 & 36. Since I read the monthly titles in alphabetical order, let’s talk about them that way too. Which means….

Avengers! 43 & 44 are a two issue arc centered around Hawkeye’s attempts to rescue Natasha from the generic Asian communists that have her prisoner. It’s fun and silly, so let’s dive in. We open up with Cap & Hawk coming back from some recon mission and walking into Quicksilver freaking FLYING around the Mansion. That’s right. He’s flying. It’s AMAZING. Basically, Quicksilver has figured out that if he vibrates his legs at super speeds, he can levitate himself and “fly” for short distances. Guys, it’s so great to see our resident mutants (the whole reason we’re reading through Avengers for this enormous project) growing in their powers. This is one of the things I love about Quicksilver (and admittedly, also The Flash over at DC) and his powers. There are so many creative ways to use super speed other then just running really fast. It’s nice to see Roy Thomas exploring those other uses!

So…back to the story. Herc is being Herc, and thus fighting with everyone. Cap picks a fight with him to keep him from hurting anyone else, and then easily avoids getting trampled by out maneuvering Herc. This gains him Hercules’ respect, so now Herc is calmed. While all that is going on, a lawyer shows up to tell Jan that since she’s now 23, she can access her inheritance of more then $3 million! In the commotion of her celebrations, no one notices that Hawkeye has slipped out to follow the lead he and Cap got by himself. Hawkeye goes to a sketchy bar to find out where Natasha’s being held. But, because he’s Hawkeye, he can’t get in and our of there without getting in a fight. Seriously. He returns back to the mansion to find everyone asleep but Hercules. Herc is itching for adventure, so Hawkeye invites him to come help rescue Natasha. The unlikely duo heads out.

Meanwhile, at the secret, non-descript communist base where Black Widow is being held, we see that Colonel Ling* is showing his precious Psychotron to “Comrade General”, a generic Soviet general who is overseeing Ling’s work. He also shows the General his latest creation: Red Guardian. For those of you at home, Red Guardian is basically Commie Cap. He has all the same abilities as Captain America, but he wears red and hates capitalism.

So, Commie Cap gives the General a demonstration of his abilities, and then he and the General forget all about Ling’s Psychotron and decide what they really need to do is lure Captain America to their top secret base full of top secret military research so that Red Guardian can beat him up. When even Colonel Ling is telling you that’s a bad plan, you know it’s a bad plan. These guys are seriously stupid! But, their minds are made up and now they just need a way to lure Cap there. Enter our dynamic duo of Herc and Hawk…

Commie Cap quickly knocks Hawk out, and then tricks Herc into the Psychotron. Herc is kept busy in there battling hallucinations of hydras while Hawkeye is locked up in a glass tube right next to Natasha. When he wakes up, he (and Natasha) discover that Commie Cap is…Natasha’s husband?!?

For the end of the issue we cut back to Avenger’s HQ in New York, where Cap and the rest of the Avengers are gearing up to go rescue our intrepid rescuers and Natasha.

Before we move onto issue 44, can we just pause for a second? Guys, Quicksilver can fly!!!! I’m still not over that. It’s so freaking cool. It’s like Roy Thomas woke up the morning he wrote this issue and said, “You know, Quicksilver is actually a WAY cooler character then we’ve been giving him credit for!” and I couldn’t be happier. Also, since we talk a lot about power sets for out mutants, I think we should also talk about powers for our non-mutant Avengers since they’re such an important part of our reading. In the beginning of this issue, Cap thinks to himself that Herc probably doesn’t like being challenged by him because he has no super powers. But then, later in the issue when Commie Cap is bragging to Hawkeye and Black Widow about how he’s going to wipe the floor with original recipe Cap, he mentions that Caps powers were given to him by science (Super Soldier serum for those at home). So, I’m a bit confused as to what Cap’s story is at this point. I know his origins are that he was a scrawny kid from Brooklyn who volunteers for the Super Soldier program and is the sole success story. I thought (and it’s cannon much later on) that the serum gives him enhanced agility and strength. Like, not just enhanced from his former self, but like, super strength and agility. But in these early Avengers comics, they seem to imply Cap has no actual powers; he’s just a really well-trained fighter. We’ll have to see how that takes shape as we go forward.

So, issue 44: The Avengers find the top secret communist base in Asia very easily and get out of their Aero-car to discover it was a trap. They fight their way through all the bad guys on the base and Wanda and Jan are both given the chance to fight as equals with the guys for the first time in awhile. Wanda’s hex powers seem to not only be back up and running, but she seems to have better control of them then before. It’s nice to see her sure of her powers and not second guessing herself.

While they’re fighting outside, inside the General is insisting that Natasha be given a lie-detector to make sure she’s really a traitor because she’s still insisting she’s been on the communist side all along. Tash beats the lie detector because, of course she does. She freaking Black Widow. There was never any doubt she would be able to pass a lie detector. Meanwhile, Cap has made his way inside to find his fellow Avengers and instead finds his commie counterpart. They fight, and are fairly evenly matched. A quick cut to outside shows us that our other Avengers seem done for when the communists unveil a giant machine thing to kill them. Goliath is too worn out from the prior fighting to be able to stop it. But then, our favorite speedy mutant saves the day! He runs in circles around their foe so fast that it creates basically a mini hurricane that tears the machine apart! And, in another cut scene, we see that Hawkeye as mysteriously been freed from his glass tube (most likely by Black Widow) and goes to join Cap’s fight. That fight seems to be at a stalemate, but then Colonel Ling grows impatient and electrocutes Cap. Commie Cap is SOOO mad guys. He wants to beat his foe fair and square, but since Ling is the only communist with a brain in this arc, he insists they don’t have to play fair, and that they need to stop worrying about beating up the star-spangled Avenger and start focusing on their plan for world domination.

But at just that moment, Natasha reveals herself by trying to climb up the wall to destroy the Psychotron, which was the real purpose of her mission from SHIELD. Colonel Ling takes aim at her and tries to shoot her down, but Alexi (Red Guardian) leaps in front of the shot to save her. As Alexi falls, Ling aims at Widow again, only to be stopped by Hawkeye this time. Widow succeeds in destroying the Psychotron, but Ling’s second shot still hits her and she falls. Hawkeye catches the mortally wounded Widow just as Hercules FINALLY busts out of the stupid, and now malfunctioning Psychotron. The base is on fire, so Herc scoops up the unconscious Cap and they head for the hole Herc bust in the ceiling. The other Avengers pull them to safety, but Herc wants to go back for the commies, as he doesn’t think they deserve to die in the fire. But before he can, Colonel Ling loses what little sense he had this whole time and attempts to shoot the Avengers down. Commie Cap stops him, as this goes against his moral code of combat, and instead Ling’s shot causes the base to erupt in lava (it’s apparently on top of a dormant volcano. Don’t ask. LOL.)

The Avengers rush the wounded Natasha to the nearest hospital (in Hawaii) where she survives her surgery and tells the Avengers that Alexi, her husband, was a test pilot for the Soviets. She was told he died in a training accident, and was then recruited to become the Black Widow to honor his sacrifice. She had no idea he was actually being trained to be Red Guardian! Whew!! That was exhausting!

And, now that I’ve caught my breath (and rested my fingers!) let’s move onto X-Men! Issue 35 starts with Banshee (!!!) flying over Eastern Europe looking for Factor Three’s secret base. He seems to find it in the mountains, but he’s attacked by a mechanical spider and barely gets away. He makes it back to his base and sends a message to the X-Men telling them to beware of the spider, but can’t get anything else transmitted before he passes out and is kidnapped by F3!

Cut to Westchester where the kids are frantically trying to find any info about F3’s whereabouts so they can find Charles. They receive Banshee’s cryptic message about the spider just as Cerebro alerts them to the presence of a mutant nearby. They decide it must be evil mutants from F3, and the guys go to check it out, leaving Jean behind to keep tying to pinpoint the Prof’s location.

At the same time, we see Peter Parker riding his motorbike around Westchester Co. He stops at a stream with an old mill nearby to check it out, and suddenly sees a flying egg-shaped pod landing right where he is. He ducks into the mill to become Spider-Man and fights the mechanical spider that climbs out of the egg. Of course, this spider is what has set Cerebro off, and of course, Spider-Man defeats it before the X-Men arrive. And OF COURSE the thing self-destructs, leaving not trace it was ever there. Do you see where this is going? No? It’s telegraphed pretty openly here. Banshee told them to beware of the spider, so OF COURSE that MUST mean Spider-Man since he happens to be where Cerebro led them! And OF COURSE our boys are just going to attack him without any explanation or even asking him why he’s there. It’s soooooooo silly. I hate these story lines. Seriously, it’s like, fate has to set it all up perfectly, and everyone has to act like brainless idiots just so this plot can play out. And it really has nothing to do with finding F3 or Professor X. It’s just an excuse to have the X-Men battle Spider-Man. It’s annoying that they spent a couple REALLY GOOD issues setting up this kidnapping, just to give us useless stories before we can finish the F3 storyline. (SPOILER ALERT! I’m going to have an even bigger problem with the next issue!)

Anyway, while the boys are out being dumb, Jean is busy being the only useful person in the issue. She’s found a note in the Professor’s files about the transmitter he put in Banshee’s headband so they could contact him using Cerebro. She tries to do this and finds Banshee unresponsive. She also realizes that Cerebro stopped registering a mutant almost right away after the boys left. (Probably around the same time Spider-Men succeeded in destroying the mechanical spider, funnily enough!)She sends Cyclops a message letting him know this and he FINALLY comes to his senses and stops the fighting long enough to ask Spider-Man what he’s doing there. SM tells them about the mechanical spider and they realize this is what set Cerebro off and apologize for attacking SM. When they arrive back at the school, Jean tells them about the tracking in Banshee’s headband and that she’s used it to find his location! You go, Jeanie!!! Now they have a destination! Hurray! Progress! We’re finally going to move forward with this story-line! Oh, wait…

It’s issue 36, which I am entitling: “Dumb plot contrivance to have the kids fight another D-list bad guy with Daddy issues instead of rescuing their mentor!”

That’s right my loves! Remember our mutant superheroes? The ones that live on a giant estate in Westchester County, drive a Rolls Royce, and have their own jet? Well, they apparently have NO MONEY to buy plane tickets to Eastern Europe. I know what you’re thinking! Surely they can just take their jet? But alas, it’s out of gas and apparently the Professor doesn’t think ahead enough to have fuel on-hand in their hanger. What’s that you say? Surely the Professor MUST have some emergency cash lying around the school somewhere? Apparently not. Wait? What? Surely rich-boy Warren Worthington III can just borrow the money from his parents? Sorry guys! They’re on a cruise!

So, now our teenagers are forced to find another way to get the money. They try the welfare office, but luckily the lady there has a brain and doesn’t approve their loan. Next, they try to get construction jobs, but they’re not union, so that’s a no-go. Finally, Bobby and Hank decide to preform tricks as Iceman and Beast in Washington Square Park for loose change. (I wish I were kidding). While they’re there, a nobody of a villain named Mekano shows up. He says that Iceman and Beast are helping him by drawing the crowd so that they can all watch him destroy the new library. (for real) So, he begins to destroy it. The cops think our mutants are in on it, so they handcuff Iceman to a pole and try to arrest the rest of the X-Men. Marvel Girl disarms them and moves them to safety and then disappears for the rest of the fight because, not only are the kids magically penniless, but they’ve also reverted to treating her like a precious flower, so Cyclops orders her  to stay outside.

Beast, Angel, and Cyke fight Mekano, but he escapes out the window and attempts to jump to the roof of a neighboring building. He misses and falls! Lucky for him our boys are chauvinists this month! If they weren’t, Marvel Girl might not have been sitting around outside waiting to catch him!! Just as MG lets him down, the cops close in to arrest them all. But because this whole issue is one plot contrivance after another, the man who built the library shows up just then and insists on asking Mekano to explain his reasoning. Turns out Mekano is this guy’s son, and all of this was just his way of acting on his deep-seeded Daddy issues because his dad didn’t love him enough or something. So, Daddy Mekano refuses to press any charges, and then wants to give our youngsters a reward for saving his son from falling to his death. Yay! Now they have the money for their plane tickets!! UGH! This sucks. But, they thank him for the money and then head off to the airport. While they’re there, we learn that F3 is watching their every move, even when they’re traveling under their civilian identities! (finally, a plot point that has actual ramifications to our F3 arc!!)

A few power-related notes from this issue. Apparently Bobby’s back to being able to use up his ice powers (or at least, he is when the writers need him to stay handcuffed and need an excuse as to why he doesn’t just freeze the cuffs and shatter them…) Also, apparently Cyke can use his optic blasts to “catch” heavy machinery in mid-air and lower it, unharmed, to the ground? I call bullshit on that one. Those optic blasts have been nothing but forces of destruction from day one. Why can they suddenly be used in this way? If that were the case, then every time in the past that Cyke accidently hit one of his teammates with his optic blasts and hurt them was either a plot devise or Scott being a huge dick.

Ok. I’m done for today. As I’m sure you noticed, I was a little annoyed with our X-Men this time around. Hopefully that will change in the next issue since it seems like they’re finally going to rescue Professor X and Banshee now! (I hope!!) So, until next time my loves, do what our X-Men should have been doing these two issues and keep searching!!

*In my last post, I mistakenly referred to Colonel Ling as a General. This issue makes it fairly clear that Ling is under the control of the Soviets, and thus not at the rank of a General.