Hello my dears!! As promised, I’m back with more reading done!

Today we’re going to tackle Avengers #41 & 42 and X-Men #34. I know it’s been awhile, so if you don’t remember where we last left our many heroes, I suggest you refresh your memory here. Now, lets get started.

Let’s start with Avengers today. When we last left our heroes, Cap was off fighting Red Skull, Natasha was on a mission in the “Far East” for SHIELD, and Hercules was hanging out at Avengers mansion and being awesome. Issue #41 starts with Herc and Hawkeye fighting and almost coming to blows. I’ve gotta be honest guys, as much as I love Herc’s huge ego, this toxic masculinity both he and Hawkeye are constantly displaying is getting really old, really fast. They’re destroying tons of equipment in the mansion during their fight, and it’s only Wanda and Pietro’s interference that eventually stops the fight. It’s annoying, and basically there just to take up a couple pages.

We then cut over to Natasha’s mission in the “Far East”. I’ve got to interject here to say that I find it hilarious that they constantly refer to the communist threat they’re facing as the “Far East” so as to not name an actual county. It’s clear from the way these communists are drawn (remember those crazy Asian stereotypes we talked about before?) and their names that we’re supposed to be in Vietnam. I know we’ve talked about it before, but as a modern reader, these portrayals of the evil, sneering, Asian bad guys with Fu Manchu beards and beady little eyes are hard to read. It makes sense historically. We’re in 1967 right now. The Cold War is raging, and we’re in the middle of the Vietnam War. Of course the bad guys are going to be Russian and Asian communists! It’s still hard to read though. It’s funny how time will change our views on things like this. I’m sure to readers in 1967, these villains were the embodiment of evil the same way the Nazis that Cap fought in his solo series in the ’40’s were. But, from a modern view-point, these villains seem like terrible, racist caricatures, where the Nazis of Cap’s solo adventures still seem just as evil now as they did then. Who knows, maybe it’s just that everyone can agree that Nazis are evil no matter what?

Anyway, back to Natasha. She’s showed up to the secret base of General Ling to deliver the submarine plans she “stole” from the US so she can prove her loyalty to the cause. Ling seems to believe her, and takes her to see his secret weapon. It seems his scientists have been working on a “Psychotron” that basically makes people experience “living nightmares” constantly. Whatever. Anyway, he shows it to Natasha, and then tricks her into it and turns it on! He knows she’s a double agent and has decided to use her as his guinea pig to test the Psychotron. Poor ‘Tasha!!

Meanwhile, back in New York: Hank has taken possession of a giant, basically unstoppable android called Dragon Man (DM going forward) that was defeated by the FF. He wants to study it. But, before he can, Diablo (the bad guy who brought DM to life when he battled the FF) attacks and brings DM back to life. Diablo captures both Wasp and Goliath and takes them to his castle! And that’s where the issue ends.

Issue #42 starts with more inane fighting between Herc and Hawk. Seriously guys? You’re trying to find and save two of your fellow Avengers and you can’t stop fighting for like, two seconds?!? Anyway: Diablo wants Goliath to help him bring a whole army of Dragon Men to life, or he will kill Wasp. Goliath sets to work as the other Avengers race to find a way to save them. They get the coordinates for Diablo’s castle from Reed Richards and head out. Hercules joins them this time, which is good because no one else stands a chance against DM!!

When they get to Transylvania, the Avengers drop Herc down into the mountain cave here Diablo is keeping an unconscious Jan hostage. She’s being guarded by DM, so Herc will have to defeat him in order to save her. The rest of the Avengers head into the castle itself to find Diablo and Goliath. They find Goliath quickly and he begins to fight them. Ok. Obviously he’s worried about Jan, but he can’t take two seconds to tell the Avengers this? Instead he just attacks them. God, these guys are so dumb sometimes! Wanda figures out why soon enough, but it’s still dumb.

They eventually tell Hank that Herc is rescuing Jan, so he stops fighting them and joins them in going after Diablo. He also tells them that he was never REALLY helping Diablo, but was instead sabotaging his Dragon Men. They get to Diablo, but he’s constructed a mystic barrier between himself and the Avengers, and is threatening to blow up the cave where Janet, Hercules, and DM are. He bets that DM will survive the blast, but Herc probably won’t, and Jan surely won’t. All seems lost until…CAPTAIN AMERICA SAVES THE DAY!!!!!!

That’s right my loves! Cap is back!!!! Since his adventures taking on Red Skull ended at the same time that issue #41 was taking place, he began to head back to Avengers Mansion. Apparently the homing beacon on the Aero-car led him to his fellow Avengers. Now, normally, I HATE coincidences like this, but I’m just so happy to have Cap back that I don’t care! I didn’t realize how much I missed our star-spangled hero until he was back. Anyway, Cap stops Diablo, and the group heads to the caves to help Herc save Jan. By the time they get there, Jan has woken up and shrunk out of her own bonds, and Herc has defeated DM by basically throwing him into a pit of lava! OK. I have to pause here. Guys, I was super, super sad that DM seemingly dies here. He’s basically just a mindless slave who pays the ultimate price while his evil master gets to live. Also, DM is SO. FREAKING. CUTE. Not even joking. Look at him!! He’s adorable!!!!

Anyway, while all this is going on, Natasha attempts to escape her captors. She makes a break for it and takes out like 10 guards in the process (You go, girl!) But it’s all a trick to observe how well the Psychotron worked on her and General Ling quickly recaptures her. By the time the Avengers get back to the mansion, General Ling has sent word that he has Natasha prisoner and that she was working for SHIELD all along. The Avengers feel shitty for not believing in her and vow to save her, but Hawkeye insists on going ALONE to save her because he loves her is a moron.

Whew! That was a lot happening in two little issues! I’m exhausted. But, no time to rest, as now we’re going to hop on over to Westchester Co. to check on our favorite mutants! It’s X-Men #34 kiddos!!

When we last left our mutants, they had defeated Juggernaut only to find that he was an unwitting distraction so that the mysterious Factor Three (F3 going forward) could kidnap the Prof! Well, that’s where we’re picking up, and apparently F3 also destroyed Cerebro while they were there. While Hank works on fixing it, Scott orders Bobby and Warren to bed so they can be rested if F3 shows up. He also sends Jean back to school. Once she gets there, she gets a message from Ted. She calls him back and he frantically tells her that his brother Ralph (AKA the crazy Cobalt Man from issue 31) has been kidnapped and he needs her to get the X-Men to come help. Jean calls the school and Iceman and Angel head out to help her, leaving Scott and Hank behind to finish Cerebro.

The three X-Men show up and Ralph’s lab and Ted tells them that he was kidnapped by Tyrannus, who wants to rule the world under the Earth’s surface. Apparently Ralph created a cobalt alloy that is stronger than steel and super heat resistant that Tyrannus thinks will help him defeat his arch-rival, Mole Man. Ralph’s also conveniently already used to it create a vehicle that will drill to the Earth’s core. Marvel Girl, Angel, and Iceman take this down into the Earth to find Ralph. They eventually crash and get out of the vehicle, only to be attacked by the Mole Man! He lures them to the River Lethe, where the mists from the water cause the three of them to lose their memories and become Mole Man’s willing slaves.

We learn that Mole Man has been attacking Tyrannus with a giant robot made of DIAMOND. For real. Freaking diamond. Since there’s nothing stronger then diamond, Tyrannus is losing their war. He wants Ralph to coat his giant robot with the cobalt alloy so that it can defeat the diamond robot. Ralph complies to keep himself alive, but seems to be up to something. We also learn that Tyrannus is centuries old and must drink from the Fountain of Youth (for serious) every day in order to remain alive. Remember that loves. It won’t be mentioned again in the comic, but we’re going to be talking about it later!

Anyway, Mole Man sends his X-Men slaves to fight alongside his diamond robot. Meanwhile, Cyclops and Beast have made there way down to the scene, found the cobalt vehicle and taken it to find the other X-Men. The vehicle keeps them safe from the mists of the River Lethe when they pass it, and they eventually find Mole Man and force him to tell them where the other X-Men are and to give them the antidote to the amnesia-causing mists. They show up at Tyrannus’s castle just as the cobalt robot defeats the diamond one. It then begins to attack Marvel Girl, Angel, and Iceman. Luckily, Angel is able to blind it by throwing metal-laden mud in it’s eyes, and it topples off a cliff. The fall causes it to explode, and we learn that Ralph built in a fail safe, making the alloy much less heat-resistant so it could be destroyed.

So, Cyke gives his fellow X-Men the antidote and they capture Tyrannus and save Ralph. And this is where things get super sketchy. The kids don’t know what to do with their prisoners, because they clearly can’t just let them keep fighting under the Earth. They’ve both expressed ambitions of taking over the surface world as well, and that just won’t fly. So, to my horror, my beloved Cyke decides the best course of action is to leave both Mole Man and Tyrannus on the banks of the River Lethe with no memories and no idea who they are!

Guys, I thought we went over this already? This is SO. MESSED. UP. They’re just going to leave these two guys as shells of themselves in a place as dangerous as the center of the earth? How is that better than killing them?!?!? The answer: It’s not! And speaking of killing them, do you guys remember that tidbit I told you to remember from earlier? The one about how Tyrannus MUST drink from the Fountain of Youth daily in order to stay alive? Well, I think it’s safe to say he no longer knows that. So our kiddos basically just sentenced him to death anyway. I’m seriously heartbroken. This is such a shitty thing to do. It screams of Professor X, and I hate that Cyclops and the rest of them have become numb to this kind of thing. I get that heroes in comics don’t kill (at least not in the ’60’s), but I feel like it’s crazy to think this is a morally superior solution.

And so, on that sad, heartbreaking note, we’re done for today. I’m going to need some time to get over this. But, I suppose that’s how it is when you’re delving into the world of mutants and super-villains. LOL. So, until next time my loves, keep searching…